so, do you ever get in a “funk?”

that’s the best word i can think of to describe it…it’s not depression, it’s not confusion, and it’s not because the holidays are over.

it might be (partly) because i notice each and every time the sun shines lately…and it’s not often! this little bit of snow the last couple of days is ok…for awhile. at least there is something going on outside besides dark, damp and gray. seriously, my dogs

rocky (the little one) and max, (the big one with the crazy tail), typically eat their dinner between 5 – 6 pm. i used to think that it was when they got hungry they they used to start staring at me…or sitting in the kitchen right by the refrigerator gazing at me as made dinner…

but now, it’s all different. i recently realized that it is the amount of light outside that triggers the “it must be dinner time” behaviors in them. that makes sense, right? except that 3 times in the past week, they started these behaviors between 2 – 2:30 pm! so dark and gray….even the dogs change their behavior.

so, i’ve been feeling this way for awhile now. there are tons of factors that come to play here besides winter in michigan.

• i was under a great deal of stress the 6-9 months before i quit my full time job
• i also had the stress of graduate school
• i was also working another job

then, life changed…

• i finished graduate school in july and graduated just a couple of weeks ago.  YAY! (no more stress, but also none of that class/homework routine and mental/social stimulation)
• i left my full time job october 14 (no more stress, but no more daily routine and social activity associated with that)

then it got darkkkkkk…most of the day.

oh, and when i start to feel that i’m in a funk, i immediately start to feel guilty because i am SO BLESSED! but, the funk usually remains for awhile…

don’t get me wrong. i LOVE staying home! i LOVE my part time job that God led me to that became my full time career. LOVE IT!

but, high level of activity, routine, stress and mental stimulation combined with the lack of outdoor activities and sunshine seems to have led to this funk.

and, i don’t know about you, but “funk” to me can be defined as:

“i have lots of stuff to do, but seem to piece it together like a crazy quilt and at the end of the day wonder what i got done,” combined with, “well, since the sun isn’t shining, i must be hungry, so i’ll just eat this little schmidge of ________.”

whereas, dictionary.com defines funk as:

i’m NOT facing definition #1, but #2 could be applied, i guess.

i would normally want to insert an image here, but if you do a google image search of “funk” you don’t come up with anything that represents this, (however you do get some very interesting images, but i digress)…so, my best image would be:

shades of gray.

so, i thought about just trying to blog about happy things…spiritual things…fluff things. for quite awhile i didn’t write at all. i grew up with the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” so i was quiet because i didn’t have anything not nice to say…i just couldn’t think of anything particularly nice.

then i decided today that the best thing i could do is be transparent.

in fact, i realized recently that if i didn’t write about this, it could be because i’m too proud to admit i’ve hit a rough patch. i am proud enough to not let pride get in the way of doing anything! does that make sense?

i’m not depressed. i’ve been depressed and it’s not like that. but, it’s also not that far off, so i am aware enough to want to do something about it. i figured that if i blog about it here, it would

• help me understand it (selfish, i know)
• keep me accountable on taking the baby steps on way out
• maybe, just maybe encourage someone else that might be “funk-ing” or at least let them know they are not alone

so today, my first truly proactive “anti-funk” day consisted of:

• putting on my workout clothes when i got out of bed this morning – no sweatshirt or long sleeves. why? because i knew that i would get cold and the only way to not be cold while in workout clothes is to workout.which i did for 45 minutes. working up a sweat yields immediate anti-funk results!
• only having 1 cup of coffee…then, switching to green tea. why? i can only drink my coffee with cream and it’s not the healthiest thing to consume 3 or 4 times a day…green tea has antioxidants and caffeine, so i am doing something good for my body and getting the caffeine kick.
• spending twice as much time on my time with God. but, also “being still,” so that God could have His time with me.
• re-started Weight Watchers (after 18 months of not going, but maintaining) by re-joining and going to the meeting. why? if you’re holding your breath waiting for me to say i completely fell off the wagon here, i didn’t… but, i have noticed since this funk began that the same voices in my head (good ones!) that kept me motivated to eat healthy and workout the past 3 years are sometimes being drowned out by the voices (not good ones) that say, “just this once won’t matter….” or, “you’ve been so good recently…you deserve it…” or, “it’s the holidays…” or “the girls are home…” or WHATEVER….

and i know from plenty of previous experience that those are dangerous voices to listen to. so, i put on a few pounds over the past few months. my clothes still fit, but it’s a bad path to start down…

but that’s not all….

if you’ve never been to Weight Watchers, the classes are FABULOUS!! they aren’t all about food. they are about choices and believing in yourself and taking life one step at a time and not beating yourself up and looking at the bright side and celebrating the moments in life and on and on and on….

if you know me at all, you know where i’m going with this. i NEED to hear those words again right now – not just about food – perhaps least of all about food! i need that for me! for my funk! for my personal growth!

and today, i made great choices…for my physical, spiritual and emotional well-being. am i better? nope…not yet. but i feel pretty good about today.

and i know that tomorrow is another chance to do it all again…with good choices and healthy thoughts.

and, while i’d rather play in the snow or lay in the sun than dance in the rain, i will do this. and as i learn, i will meditate on my life verse,

i don’t feel bad…don’t get me wrong. don’t get worried.

i just feel fuzzy…gray…funky. it will pass. but i’m not waiting for it to pass by itself…i am a person of action and i am going to take steps that will make me feel better. if i feel better, this will pass. i know it because it has happened before.

so, i will post about my journey here. it will hopefully be short-lived and we’ll move onto other things like cooking, sewing and the like. heck, i’ll probably include some of that in this journey because it will help me get to where i know i want to be. soon i will have learned what i need to learn from being in this place and will be a better person on the other side.

if you’re coming along for the ride, welcome. in fact, i’d love the company!

right now, sunglasses are not necessary, but hopefully they will be soon.

xoxo

kimberly