lakay mwen.

i don’t want to go home. yes, i miss my mom and my dad, my booosh, my friends, my car, caramel iced coffee, but those things still don’t change my mind. even though i am covered in sweat from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep, even though the electricity doesn’t work the majority of the time, even though roosters crow endlessly throughout the night, haiti is my home and i don’t want to leave.

i’m about to purchase my plane ticket back to michigan. i can’t put into words the way my heart is breaking right now. there is so much going on in my head right now. i know that i only have one year left of school before i get my degree so i need to go back to finish, but i really don’t feel like that’s what i should be doing. there are so many reasons why i need to go home in august, but my heart is just telling me no.

God has been showing me so much these past two months. He shows me every day how i can help at the orphanage and in the surrounding community, but He has yet to show me the “how”.

i have been working my way through Acts and it has been such a blessing to me. seeing peter’s devotion to God is so humbly and i just pray to be half the faithful servant that He was.

giving my life to my Father like Peter is all i want to do. the joy i get from living every day completely and totally for Him is indescribable. this is all i want to do for the rest of my life.

please keep me in your prayers and pray God shows me the things i need to see and that He gives me peace and protects my heart from too much pain as i leave this place that is truly home.

in other news, i’m in the dominican republic! the opportunity was given to julianne and i to travel to the DR with all the izidors and the lutheran pastors and leaders in haiti! glenn merritt and darrell [not sure what his last name is..] are here from LCMS too! it has been such a blessing being here with everyone!

at first we were told it was a conference for the lutheran church of haiti, but then as it drew closer, it turned into just a relaxing trip for everyone who’s been working so hard in haiti! so i felt a little weird about coming along, but the izidors insisted and God has been clearly showing me exactly why He wanted me here.

the first God sighting happened when sofie and jacob stepped off the bus in port-au-prince! we met sofie and jacob a couple weeks ago when they randomly showed up in les cayes with pastor marky. we hit it off right away and felt the Holy Spirit working so strongly through all of us. we talked all about ways we could help each other in ministry in both les cayes and jacmel. we were so blessed to meet them, but weren’t sure when we’d see them again. it was such a God thing that they happened to be invited to come to the same retreat as we were!

i knew right then that God had big things in store for these couple days in the dominican.

the other thing that i have been so blessed by these past few days is the izidors. seeing how leonie just beams when she’s around her siblings and all her family just melts my heart. i love seeing leonie so incredibly happy like this. and seeing how their family interacts has been so refreshing to me. they treat their cousins like they’re their siblings and they’re always laughing, joking, and hugging. i can only pray that my family has a relationship like that when i’m older. and finally spending more time with pastor marky and sydney and seeing their relationship makes me long for a love like that when i get married. they work together and play together and still save time for just them time; just sitting and being with each other. and we all know how busy pastor marky is….

God has been so present in every interaction and every conversation on this trip. i have been so blessed with a new sister in Christ. sofie is the person i’ve been praying God would give me to help me relax, play, and just talk girl talk. seeing her heart and passion for haiti, sharing life experiences, and just talking silly stuff has been so rejuvenating to me. i can’t really go into details, but she is the person i’ve been needing and i’m so excited for the things we can do together in haiti and for the friendship we’ll have for quite some time. :]

glenn merritt gave a presentation yesterday morning and it was exactly what God knew i needed to hear. he spoke about stress and how to deal with it. how stress can prevent real work in your ministry from being done. i have been keeping all of this stress inside and it’s just been building up. everything i see in haiti, the tent cities, the naked children, even just not having the patience or time to spend with the kids at the orphanage, everything has been building up and i haven’t been talking about it or sharing it with anyone.

glenn talked about the important of faith, friends, and family. with those three things, you can handle your stress correctly and make it possible to do the most work for His Kingdom.

i couldn’t help, but to just cry. i know how much stress i’ve been holding onto and i know it’s not good to just hold in, but it was so nice to have someone tell me it’s okay to talk and let some of that go. and also to take sometime for myself with friends and family just to debrief and chill out. it was exactly what i needed to here before heading back to torbeck to start the busiest part of our trip!

i am now completely relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to get back home to do the work that God has sent me here to do.

also, i got FRENCH FRIES yesterday! from mcdonalds!!! yes, the dominican republic has mcdonals, but sadly, they do not carry iced coffee. just rip my heart out and stomp on it. oh well, i’ll survive.

please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. i can’t tell you how much i appreciate them. love and miss you all!